Life in the shoes of my brother...

I had to share this with everyone because it's hysterical and good insight into a typical day as Kiel. I guess he came home after this happened, had a couple of drinks, and then typed this up on his MySpace page. He said to disregard his grammar as he was slightly intoxicated as he wrote it. So here it is, enjoy!

Shopping Carts
by Kiel Cannon

"Ok, so what is the deal with shopping carts? Let's be realistic here…I "moved out" when I was 18, and probably ate at Taco Bell for the first year of living alone. So to be fair, I have probably been grocery shopping for 5 years, and not once have I gotten a fully functional shopping cart! You know?...You get the one that only turns right, or only rolls in reverse, or even the one with one wheel turned sideways that doesn't roll at all. Well, I decided to go get groceries this evening (really just to get away from studying for a moment) and hopped in the car and took off for two blocks. Yes that's right, I could have walked there in about 4 minutes but I chose to drive (I'm not lazy I swear). In all seriousness, I probably would have been shopping already in the time it took me to find my keys and get in my truck. Anyways, in my 12 second drive there I was thinking to myself "Hmmm what demented cart am I going to get today?" As I pull in and walk up to the carts I decide to test the first one I pull out. (This is actually just to prolong my shopping experience so I didn't have to get back to studying right away) So I pull out the first cart and ran a short obstacle course in hopes to find the perfect cart. And of course, this cart only turns right, and has an unidentified object in the front seat. So I choose another, and at this point I truly thought I found the perfect cart. Oh was I wrong!

So I have about half of my perfect cart full and at this point I'm strolling down aisle 12, and yes that's right, MY WHEEL falls off. It doesn't just turn sideways, it falls off and rolls half way down the aisle. Not the back wheel which would be easy to over power and kinda muscle my way home, but the front right wheel. So not only looking like a moron falling over the cart and trying to hold this thing so it doesn't fall over… all of my groceries are piled up in the far right corner and of course they are overflowing into aisle 12. So I grab a can of salsa and wedge it under the wheel while I can regroup. After about 15 minutes I manage to get the wheel back on. And yes, I had an audience. I haven't seen people laugh so hard in a grocery store before. That actually made it all worth it. Besides that, anyone that knows me, knows that I am extremely laid back and easy going, so going through something like this would be entertaining enough just to see my reaction.

So after very delicately finishing my rounds through aisles 13-18, I head to the check-out line. There are 3 couples in front of me (and yes, 2 of which were the ones laughing at me and not helping me) so out of exhaustion from laughing so hard I lean onto the cart. Ya know, we all do it, the handle bar that connects to the child seat? So I'm relaxing waiting for my turn looking at the tabloids at the apparent 300 pound Jennifer Anniston, and the entire back of the freakin cart comes crashing down. That's right, where your child sits, and where morons like me lean while they are waiting. The entire back portion of the cart just flat out fell off. Did I mention all 190 pounds of Kiel was leaning on this POS. So yes, I go crashing to the ground. My eggs are now rolling down isle 1, 4, 8, 9, 10, 11, and of course 12. My salsa had exploded all over the woman's white shoes behind me. The box of economy size Gobbstoppers somehow broke open and the entire check out area became an ice skating rink on little candy balls. And after this quite entertaining evening at the grocery store…ya know what I walked in my door with……..NOTHING! (they asked me to leave) ……So I went to Taco Bell"